Tag Archives: saying no

Self-love Skill #2; NO.

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Self-love skill number two. Saying no appropriately.

Man, how I struggle with this one. There’s saying it, of course. Hard at times, almost impossible at others.

But before you can say no, you have to be able to feel into what you really really want. Yes or no. You have to be able to say, I’ll come back to you, I’ll think about it for a while.

You need to accept, appreciate and allow your preferences.

Then, you may need to calmly say no thank you. Sometimes forcefully.

So, the practice continues. 🙂

Oh, and what do self-love skills have to do with creativity? My current experience is that the more I make art, the more productive I am, the more time I need for empty space time, bupkis days, taking care of my needs. It’s all part of the whole of creative work. Although the final act of creation may be fast and expressive, what makes that possible is sometimes a lot of time spent incubating, ruminating and in general just containing different kinds of tension.

This means I need to carve out that time by saying no. A lot. Trust the process, trust the need for this time, trust myself.

Sometimes saying no to the outside world is saying yes to your own art, whatever its expression.

What can you say no to today, as a way of practising self-love?

More about Marriage after Battle

There’s more
the bitterness of what remains after battle
you say there are no ruins
but I miss you so much
for me, all I sense is a wreck
and I fight against what is true now.

and that is always such a bad idea.
because I also miss what is growing
Faith.
What is left when perfection is demolished?
Grace.

let me explain;
Ideals real as this fake wood table and the green backpack
that holds my stuff
pointed the way for my motherhood
being a wife.
being a friend, entrepeneur, sister, daughter.

I aspired for greatness
and just maybe for a while with my son I
came close
but perfection and judgment are best friends
and my daughter was born
to teach me all about it.

the past couple of years
I have, in my mind, failed in everything
I have learned to grovel
to ask for help, to beg for assistance, to confess my
weakness, to recognize what is intolerable to me.

again again again again again again
again again again again again again
again again again again again

they tell me I’m stubborn
but boy did this one sink in good

my boundaries and limits have become
as intimate to me
as the way my fingernails grow,
or the way my hair curls when it sprouts out of its cut.

I have learned to say I cannot
I will not
No no no no
Nope
No
Not that either
No I can’t, it is impossible to me
I don’t remember, I forgot, I screwed up
I’m sorry, forgive me, my bad.

again again again again again again
again again again again again again
again again again again again

you said in the night, while we were trying
to get through to each other
we’ve been through hell
It was honey to me.

you were so strong
you came to me
you picked me up
you saw me helpless enraged scared desperate
suicidal bitter worn out exhausted ugly
all the while cleaning, wiping butts, nursing
cooking, making love, waking up, comforting, soothing
failing failing failing failing failing failing

again again again again again again again
again again again again again again again
again again again again again again

you did not shrink. away. leave. bolt. run. abandon. scream.
hit. break your fist on the wall. give up. burn out.
give up on me. isolate. yell. get angry. give in. push away.
me.

I did my best every day
it was not nearly enough, not nearly
and you saw my best
you saw me
you said: you aren’t sick, you are tired.
trust yourself. trust yourself. trust yourself.
and then you trusted me with our children.

it is your turn.
it is your turn now.
I will wait.
I see you.
I trust you
I trust you love. I trust you.