Tag Archives: self-compassion

Snow that melts when it hits the road

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The blue, the green, the endless steps of a human life.

I have been fortunate enough to have been reintroduced to my roots lately.

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All those footprints in snow, melted ages ago.

I see the deep, harrowing loneliness and isolation of my childhood and teenage years.

I remember how I would have given all of my reflective capabilities, all of my depth for just a few moments of belonging, of being able to immerse myself in a drunken appreciation of the rowdiness I saw all around me. Instead I saw it all, as through a glass wall, the observations, sensations and emotions around me swirling into my brain. There was a clear eyed, calm voiced witness inside of me that commented on everything, including my own actions and motivations.

This experience of being, through no conscious choice of my own, shut out from the pack, outside of something that everyone else could partake in, left to my own overwhelming sensations and interior landscape, gave rise to this deep yearning to find authentic connection. To somehow explore what I saw, express it, see if I could find someone else who recognized what I was sensing.

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Pines, my best friends since childhood.

As I took a longer walk back from my children’s school this morning, I took time to stay with each footprint in the snow, a drop of water swaying this way and that on a pine branch, the particular scent of bared asphalt and snow that melts when it hits the road.

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Do you know this kind of snow? The kind with the wet slushy last crunch? Spring is on its way.

I see my isolation differently now.

The eyes of self-compassion see myself as an adolescent in a new way. I was practising my future life in a way, those difficult years. Something inside of me knew that my life, my heart path, lay elsewhere. No matter how I tried, I could not fit into that which was not of my soul. Something inside of me was stronger than my will and I just could not squeeze myself hard enough to fit into the tiny space that was offered to me.

Have you ever felt it? That no matter how you try, you just cannot make yourself convincingly fit into the roles offered to you?

My sense of being on the sidelines fills me with this deep silence, a spaciousness that can contain and give birth to new universes. This otherness in me makes it possible to stand the distance between myself and the world. It is also from this gap that connection is born; the active, compassionate, loving reaching out to you, there, on the other side of silence.

The deeper I paint myself into this exploration of self-love and self-compassion, the slower and more silent I become. It doesn’t feel like a punishment, anymore. It feels like coming home.

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Who knows what will grow out of this dirt, come spring?

So I wanted to write a bit,

today,

just a wordy wave,

to you out there,

where ever you are and

wish you a day of self-compassion with all that you live with, today.

Towing Away the Fear

By Marie D. Tiger
By Marie D. Tiger

Art making as a reminder of creatorhood

The other day, I was feeling afraid when I sat down at the drawing table. Worry about the future, diffuse memories and old inner stories were filling up my head.

I drew some of the  words & T. and Fant in my thought book. Choosing the colors, lovingly filling the image with nuances, I was suddenly flooded with compassion toward my small friends. They looked so scared, hunched up under all of that mental crap.  I felt my heart open wide.

Did I really want to scare myself, frighten the animal friends in my imagination? A rush of decisive artistic fury overtook my body. I grabbed my marker and quickly drew the net around those pesky words. My friend the squirrel jumped on the page with his airplane, volunteering to tow away the mental manure.

In the midst of drawing, I remembered my power.

Which tune are you listening to in your mind today? 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wham! It’s Monday.

Do not be mean to yourself, thought book 2013, by Marie D. Tiger.
Do not be mean to yourself, thought book 2013, by Marie D. Tiger.

 

Monday landed like a rainstorm of encyclopedias. The house is a MESS, it is cold outside, which meant that first born had a fall coat instead of a winter one, which I noticed when we were half way to his school. Little girl needed new rubberbands under her winterboots to hold her overall in place and a button was missing, so I got to both sow buttons this morning and have a long discussion about the syringe for stuffed animals that I have in my empty Mozart Kugeln tin that serves as a sowing-stuff-box. This evening we’re playing Operating Room for Stuffed Animals.

I’ve had to check myself a thousand times this morning, in order not to go on autopilot. My [perfectionist] autopilot for messy everyday life says I’m a failure, for not anticipating, planning and organizing everything so that these things don’t happen. So I thought a drawing for Monday morning in our messy, busy, chaotic world could focus on one message: Don’t be mean to yourself.

So here’s to taking a deep breath and remembering: It doesn’t matter. Fuck it. You matter, as you are, in this moment. Imperfect, able to love, feel and live.

What one kindness can you show yourself right now?

 

 

Self-compassion Opens up Inner Dialogue

Talk to your pain, in the thought book 2013, by Marie D. Tiger.
Talk to your pain, in the thought book 2013, by Marie D. Tiger.

 

Before I gave birth to both my children, I attended workshops in birth singing. The idea was that when we’re in pain, the instinctive reaction is to clench all muscles, shorten breathing and tense in every way. This makes the pain worse. Inner pain works much the same way. We tense up, focus on what is hurting with the exclusion of everything else and our breathing changes.

Instead, with all inner phenomena, whether painful or merely uncomfortable, why not face it, talk to it, show yourself compassion?

So if, for instance, you’re a business owner paying your bills, and your insides are clenching up, wondering about where your next mortgage payment is going to come from – how about talking a bit with your fear – kindly. You may be surprised at what you hear. Often we imagine that if we face our feelings head on, they will grow or draw something bad to us. Quite the opposite is true.

Feeling what is real in this moment, allows you to move through the feeling, get its message and release the flow, so the feelings can move from one to the other again.

What are you feeling, today?

 

 

 

 

 

Day 4 of the Compassionate Shame Tea Party

Walking in circles, thought book 2013, by MDT.
Walking in circles, thought book 2013, by MDT.

 

Today I feel raw, my shame sits on its chair, complaining that the tea is too hot and has no honey.So today, let us concentrate on pouring honey on the soul. Here is Lea Sheigen Shinraku, talking about a time that she was judging herself and received unexpected kindness. Next, Sarah Lousie Byrne talks about how to release shame and love all about you. She suggests that we write about what we love that we love.

Today I love that I love art. I love that I love telling the truth, as it exists for me. I love that I love expressing what is in my imagination. What do you love about what you love? 🙂

More honey, the wonderful singer Jippu, singing about The city of angels, in Finnish:

 

 

And last, but never least:

 

Never never never never give up, thought book 2013, by MDT.
Never never never never give up, thought book 2013, by MDT.

 

How can you be self-compassionate with yourself today?